commandments-e1479328886963-225x300There seems to be a trend toward labeling everything, so that stuff we deem unhealthy is now considered a “disorder”.  For example, it used to be that some people were just skinny, and some were fat.  Now, if you eat too much or eat too little,  we call this an eating “disorder”.

It used to be that some kids were simply more energetic than others.  Now, we say these energetic kids have Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).  Back in the day, these kids may have simply been funneled into activities that would burn off that energy, like dancing, for example.  A good teacher knew how to handle such kids.  Now, pharmaceuticals tend to be the preferred method of addressing ADD.  Sad, I think, but I’m no doctor.

And, it used to be that if someone was an asshole, we would all just acknowledge that the person is an asshole.  Now, we have something called Empathy Deficit Disorder (EDD).  You’re not a jerk now, modern science claims you just have a disorder.  I liked the old label better.

IMG_4420-300x225I belong to a nice health club.  Just by looking at me, you wouldn’t get the impression that I actually work out, but I’m a member.  I’ve got that going for me.  It does make me feel better to buy memberships and healthy things.

Have you ever seen that guy that’s always working out, yet never seems to make any progress?  That’s me.  As an “in shape” friend once told me–you can’t outrun your mouth.

Anyway, back to the gym.  Inside the men’s locker room we have a hot tub, a cold plunge, a steam room, a sauna, and tons of showers.  All of which is just to say that we need lots of towels.  The problem is, some guys don’t pick up after themselves.  Dirty towels everywhere.  Shocking, I know.

Now, there are some really great guys working in men’s locker room, making sure the place is clean and bringing us a constant supply of fresh towels.  These workers are the nicest folks you’ll ever meet, and they work for peanuts.  The least we could do for these guys is pick up after ourselves.  Its common decency, really.

On one recent occasion (which is why I’m writing about this), a fellow gym member must have had five towels on the floor.  He then packed up his things to leave, making no attempt to pick up after himself.  Another member gently mentioned to him that the towel deposit bins are just a few feet from where he was standing.  As you might expect, the towel offender was having none of that, snapping back “I pay enough dues every month, and that’s not my job.”

Actually, our health club requires members to pick up after themselves.  That is a member’s only job outside of paying the monthly dues.

At some point, we have all worked with someone who simply will not do their job.  Sure, they show up to work.  Sure, they answer their phone.  To an outsider, nothing looks amiss.  But everyone working with them–the people who know exactly what they should be doing–we know that they’re not really doing their job.

Speaking of people not doing their job, what defense attorney rant would be complete without mentioning judges? Continue Reading

tv-old-226x300Lots of folks have a pretty positive vision of the future of humanity–so long has technology is there to save us.  Some people would even go so far as to claim that all human progress stems from technological advancements.  After all, where would we be if someone way back when didn’t figure out how to start a fire?

Technology certainly has its advantages, and I’m a big fan.  Yes, I will buy the latest iPhone at some ridiculous price, because I love it. But, I’m not so diluted as to think that the world is, somehow, a much better place because of it.  Maybe.  Maybe not.  A hammer, for example, can be used to build someone a house, or crush someone’s skull (gratuitously graphic, sorry).  Having more tools doesn’t, necessarily, make the world a better place.   Because technology is only a tool, the world may not be much of a better place unless we all use our tools to benefit others.

One thing is certain: technology is bad for folks with criminal records.  Fifty years ago, it was tough to track down some misdemeanor petit theft from Walmart.  Now, criminal arrest records are visible within hours of the incident.   One way to fix this problem is to seal or expunge the arrest.

Today’s case involves one man’s quest to have his criminal history sealed forever.  To understand what went wrong, we have to dig deep into what it takes to get a record sealed or expunged (sealing and expunging are virtually the same thing, more on that some other time). Continue Reading

Self-help is everywhere.  But, which approach works best?IMG_2925-e1508532095556-300x239

At the risk of oversimplifying things, self-help falls into two categories.  For some, the focus is on thoughts.  Change your thinking, change your life.  Flooding your mind with positive thinking will, theoretically, lead to positive outcomes (there’s some physics behind this, believe it or not).   I’ve run my own experiment, contemplating the positive that would come out of winning the lottery.  I’m sad to report that my positive thinking has had no impact as of yet.

Some self-help folks shy away from positive thinking, and believe that emptying our brains of its constant chatter helps improve things greatly (monks chanting prayers, meditation, and so forth).  I’ve tried this too, with mixed results (my prayers seem to work, but I haven’t prayed to win the lottery…).

For every Ying, there’s a Yang.  There are also self-help programs that believe changing your thoughts is useless.  A waste of time.  For them, change only comes with action.  Change what you “do”, and you’ll change who you “are”.

Is it our actions that change us, or our thoughts?  Well, it’s probably both, working together in some vicious cycle I’m unqualified to discuss much further.  But I will say this:  sometimes, the best way to help yourself is to “not” do something.  Most of my clients could have helped themselves greatly, had they just not confessed to the cops.  Or, had they just refrained from doing something illegal.  Shocking, I know.

We Americans have a privilege against incriminating ourselves.  This privilege against self-incrimination is found in the Fifth Amendment, and you’ve probably heard Miranda Warnings on cop shows where folks are being told that they have a right to remain silent because if they talk–it will be used against them. Continue Reading

question-mark-231x300For several weeks now, my left index finger has been twitching.  Out of the clear blue, twitching.

I did what most people do, looked up “finger twitching” on Google.  Now, there’s plenty of problems with online medical diagnosis, but the main problem is my brain.  It seems to be wired to click only on the articles that have the most severe diagnosis.  So, my eye scans Page One of my Google search, locking in on an article where finger twitching was the first sign of a deadly brain tumor.  I’m immediately drawn to the worst case scenario.  I can’t help myself.

But, was I asking Google the right question?  No.

I have a Juris Doctorate degree, but zero medical background–so the medical questions I’m asking Google are not going to help me.  To get to the right answers, I’ll go see my doctor and he’ll ask me the right questions.  I don’t know the right questions to ask.  Now, when your doctor asks you series of seemingly unrelated questions–there’s a method to their madness.  These odd doctor questions have a purpose, and we all must suffer through them eventually.

The great Tony Robbins reasons that “quality questions create a quality life.  Successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.”  I see his point.  Any 6th grader can “get answers”  just by asking Google.  Getting answers isn’t the point.  The point is, are you asking the right questions?  Does anyone ever admit that they’re asking the wrong questions?  Most people don’t ask the right questions, especially when it comes to legal stuff.  I’m not offended by that, as it is my job to ask the right questions.

As a general rule, Tony Robbins suggests “starting every day by asking yourself these 3 questions:

(1) What is something I can do for someone else today?

(2) What is something I can do to add value to the world today?

(3) What is something that I have to offer other people?”

[See “Ask Better Questions”,  www.tonyrobbins.com/masterpiece/ask-better-questions/] Continue Reading

[Yes, I’ve mentioned this bit of history before, but you love it so much it bears repeating]

Two thousand years ago, there was a great Rabbi named Akiva.  Akiva was heading home late one night, when the darkness and fog caused him to make a wrong turn.  Rabbi Akiva ends up at this massive Roman outpost.  As Akiva approaches, he hears a wrestling on top of the wall, and a soldier yells down “who are you, and what are you doing here?IMG_2821-e1505081404727-241x300

Akiva responds, “Excuse Me?”

The guard yells, again, “Who are you?  What are you doing here?”

Akiva pauses, and then asks: “How much are they paying you?”

The guard says “What?”

Akiva repeats,  “How much are they paying you?”

The guard states, “20 denarius a week.”

Akiva says: “I’ll pay you twice that to come to my house every morning and ask me those two questions.”

[This tidbit is from Rob Bell’s podcast, which can be found here, Robcast episode #128, and I wrote about this seven months ago in another article]

We do have to ask ourselves from time to time, who we are, and what the heck we’re doing on earth.  After all, when I woke up this morning I’m pretty sure I didn’t “deserve” another day on earth.  It happened, and I’m grateful for it–but there are plenty of people out there that didn’t make it through the night.  Why did I get another day, and they didn’t?  Most mornings I simply pop out of bed, a victim of my alarm clock and tight schedule–without appreciating the fact that I’ve been given another (undeserved) day on earth.

Roger Hodgson of the band Supertramp said it best their classic The Logical Song:

There are times when all the world’s asleep
The questions run too deep

for such a simple man
Won’t you please, please tell me what we’ve learned
I know it sounds absurd
But please tell me who I am?

There are problems with answering the question “Who am I?”  First, we are tempted to tell our story.  Second, we are tempted to give our biography. The problem is, we are not our biography. We are not the the story we tell.

You are not your biography. Continue Reading

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When I was in middle school, my friends and I had some important debates.  Middle school is that age when you’re not quite ready (nor qualified) to talk about girls and cars, so our discussions centered around BMX bikes, video games, and Bruce Lee.  We loved Bruce Lee almost as much as we loved Star Wars.  The debates were simple, and  started something like this: “I wonder if Bruce Lee could kill someone with a piece of paper.  I bet he could take you out with a paper clip.”  We were in such awe of Lee, that we assumed just about any household item would qualify as a deadly weapon in the hands of this master of martial artist.

By the same reasoning, there are drug addicts out there that could take these same household items and transform them into smoking devices.  You haven’t seen creativity until you’ve witnessed an addict scramble to find something to smoke with.  The genius buried deep inside of most folks comes out to play as the drug cravings intensify.   Some studies have shown that drugs can aid in the creative process.  How many Pink Floyd albums would we have without psychedelics?  All sorts of books, albums and movies have been conceived and written under the influence of something.

That being said, I’m talking about just the opposite–folks who are creative before they consume drugs.  This kind of creativity only comes when there’s a deep perceived problem (not having a smoking device, for example) that has no immediate solution.  Either way, it seems as though drugs are fostering creativity both before consumption, and after.

Anyway, when someone creates something to smoke a drug, we call this item “drug paraphernalia.”  Anything that is used to smoke or ingest an illegal drug constitutes drug paraphernalia.   This is a crime in Florida, and carries a maximum of one year in jail (harsh, I know).  Back when crack cocaine was popular, we’d see tons of cases involving coke cans, pinched in the middle with a hole in them–used as a makeshift crack smoking device.  Yes, it was a crime to possess that modified soda can.  Back then, you had to be careful what you picked up to recycle. Continue Reading

Have you been to Key West?IMG_44731-e1503938818653-300x188

At times, I’ve found this place to be magical.  Other times, its just another crowded, over priced tourist trap.  Back in the 1990’s, I was in Key West and had the opportunity to meet Mel Fisher.  He was just sitting there, drinking at Rick’s off Duval St.  Within minutes, my (now ex) wife was buying treasure jewelry.  What is treasure jewelry, you ask?

Mel Fisher was a treasure hunter in Key West.  He was ridiculed by most folks because he came up empty handed for 16 years.  Maybe “treasure hunting” was just an excuse to get out on the ocean every day with investor money, right?  Every day for 16 years, he told his crew “Today’s the Day!!”.

Once you’ve failed to find treasure after five solid years of combing the ocean, isn’t it time to give up?  What about the eighth year?  The eleventh year can’t be an easy sell, can it?  Surely after fifteen years of searching, who’s going to believe you know what the heck you’re doing.

In year 16, Mel Fisher struck gold, $400,000,000 worth.  Mel’s tenacity is the stuff of legends.  Truly inspirational.

Now, some of the stuff Mel dredged up wasn’t worth much, but they are artifacts of sorts, so folks transform these items into what is known as treasure jewelry.  Basically, all the worthless little coins are transformed into earrings, or necklaces.  You’re not buying gold, per se, you’re buying the story.  And, its an expensive story.

In Seth Godin’s excellent book “All Marketers Are Liars”, there’s a story of how home stereo speakers were sold to Harvard students each year.   When the college dorms are teeming with life, a crappy van pulls up to the dorms.  The back door of this “shady” van opens wide to reveal speakers packed in like sardines.   These “smart” college kids were told a story about how these speakers just, somehow, fell off the back of a truck–so they were quite a bargain.

Sure, the shady van folks implied that the speakers were stolen.  And yes, these speakers sold like hot cakes.

Actually, the speakers were not stolen–they were clearance items bought from big box stores.  Actually, these smart kids paid more for these speakers out of the back of a van, than they would have paid down the street at Best Buy.  Why did they pay more?  Because, they bought the story.

The legal lesson for today involves telling the right story.   Today, we’re going to review what happens when you tell a judge the wrong story.  The case for today involves the prosecution asking for a continuance because their star witness has a pre-paid vacation lined up to watch the solar eclipse.  Now, I never would have told a judge this story–but to each their own.

Do you think a judge will grant a continuance so that someone can go watch the solar eclipse?

Do you think any judge, ever, has quoted a Carly Simon song?

Here’s Judge Steven Merryday’s response.  Enjoy. Continue Reading

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When I was growing up, all kinds of kids got picked on.  Middle school was a hotbed of harassment.  Fat kids.  Skinny kids.  Freckles.  Any last names that rhymed with a dirty word.  Anything, really.  Back in the day there were no fancy terms for it, bullying just existed without a label.

Cops can be bullies as well, and no where is this more evident than their treatment of the drug addicted masses.

Public Service Announcement: if you have a disease that causes your brain to crave a particular chemical–law enforcement will transform this addiction into a prison sentence.   Just close your eyes, and imagine the addicted kids in the movie “Trainspotting.”  There wasn’t much these kids wouldn’t do to get their next fix, and the cops know it.

One of my favorite anti-drug commercials goes something like this.  Picture a public toilet seat.  Now, it won’t be too much of a stretch to imagine that toilet seat has not been cleaned in months.  It hasn’t been flushed in months.  The tag line reads “No One Thinks They Will Lose Their Virginity Here.  Meth Will Change That.” (the Montana Meth Project has some pretty compelling ads, FYI)

Yes, addiction will cause you to do things you wouldn’t ordinarily do.   So, leave it to our government to take full advantage of these folks who are down on their luck.  Our case for today examines just how far the police can go.  In State v. Johnson, the defendant was convicted of six felony drug deals which scored him several years in  prison. 2017 Fla.App.LEXIS 11687 (Fla. 2d DCA 2017).   We’re going to explore whether or not Johnson can be sentenced on the full weight of these six transactions, under suspicious police circumstances. Continue Reading

Here are some facts, straight from CNN:theft-300x225

“At the World Trade Center (WTC) site in Lower Manhattan, 2,753 people were killed when hijacked American Airlines Flight 11 and United Airlines Flight 175 were intentionally crashed into the north and south towers or as a result of the crashed.  Of those who perished during the initial attacks and the subsequent collapses of the towers, 343 were New York City firefighters, 23 were New York City police officers and 37 were officers at the Port Authority.  The victims ranged in age from two to 85 years.  Approximately 75-80% of the victims were men.”  (http://www.cnn.com/2013/07/27/us/september-11-anniversary-fast-facts/index.html, accessed August 13, 2017).

So, now you know some facts.   Do the words above give you any sense of the meaning of 9/11?   You can memorize the “facts” about 9/11, but completely miss the meaning of 9/11.

Having accurate facts won’t guarantee any sort of understanding.  Often, words have more power as they move away from factual descriptions.  For example, the words found in your favorite song may remind you more of an event than any factual description.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a song from the 80’s, and the song instantly transports me back, in a way that words on a page just can’t. Often, words in a song can convey more meaning than the words alone.

Songs work, in part, because we believe a phrase more if it rhymes. Kind of silly, right?  It is said that “a man armed with a rhyming dictionary is a dangerous man.” (Bruce Springsteen).  Rhyme works in criminal defense trials as well.  Who can forget this classic: “If it doesn’t fit, you must acquit.”  Or, how about this one: “Sticks & stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Words may not hurt you–but words can get you arrested, among other things.   (I’m going somewhere with this, so please tolerate the cliches for a another three sentences)  Here are some dangerous words: telling a TSA agent that you’ve got a bomb, or asking a 16 year old girl to have sex (unless, of course, you’re 16 years old, but even then, its a tad young, don’t ya think?).  Our focus today will be the all too common threat to kill.

Now, if you do threaten to kill someone (hire me…), any threat to do harm is called an assault (a battery charge is physical, assaults are just words or actions).  A basic threat gets upgraded to “aggravated” when the person is using a gun or weapon to make the threat more believable.

The question is, can you be convicted of assaulting someone who doesn’t understand what a gun is, or even understand the English language?   To see how an assault plays out with a victim who does not understand what the heck is going on, we’re going to examine the real life case of Davis v. State, 2017 Fla. App. LEXIS 9415 (Fla. 4th DCA 2017). Continue Reading